Hogwarts Watches Hetalia
by BookWorm4099
Summary: What's this? Nations at Hogwarts? Why? Apparently the Muggle English Prime Minister feels that the ministry must have better relationship with their nation. What better way to Strengthen their bond by watching the nations past along with them? R and R
1. Chapter 1

It was lunch time at Hogwarts in the Great Gall when suddenly a bright flash surrounded the hall. When everyone had recovered from their temporary blindness they were surprised to see a group of young men standing in the middle of the hall looking here and there in confusion.

One of them spoke up "Dude where are we?"

"We are obviously in Hogwarts" another replied

The first spoke with a snort "Hog whaat that's a funny name"

"I'll have you know that it is one of the finest magical schools in the world"

"Yeah whatever another one of your imaginations"

"My friends are not imaginary!"

At that moment another flash filled the room and a piece of paper landed in front of the head master. He took it and read it silently before clearing his throat and reading it out loud.

To all of Hogwarts

It is prime time the magical world learned about the existence of nations and what better way to do so than in a school! I have done this to improve the relations of the ministry with the government. Getting to the point, I have collected some videos which you will all watch to learn about the nations so I hope you enjoy! By the way you were all sent to Hogwarts using magic, just to clear things up a bit. Oh and time has stopped outside the room you are gathered in.

From

The Muggle Prime Minister

P.S. Sorry Arthur but I went through your spell books and had a wizard cast this enchantment on you all.

Murmurs broke throughout the hall which turned in to shouts.

"SILENCE!" Dumbledore roared

At that moment Britain walked towards the teachers table and spoke in a loud voice.

"Alright all of you listen up I don't know what exactly is going on but I believe that it is best to introduce ourselves. I am known as Britain. My official name is The United kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland. I am a nation of this world and before you ask anything else Yes living incarnations of nations do exist" He nodded to the group and one by one all the nations introduced themselves. After that Britain conjured up a table for the nations to sit at.

Then suddenly the candles dimmed and a huge screen the size of a theater screen appeared at the end if the Great Hall. Then it began to play a video.

**America: Dude I think the World Conference can convene! Solving all of today's problems by talking excessively!**

**(Belgium cameo) **

"Wait what is this?" A student asked

"This is when all of us gather to talk and try to solve the world's problems"

**America: No matter how hard it seems, we can fix anything with enough meetings and photo ops.**

**(Spain gets tea!)**

**America: Feel free to speak honestly while protecting your chances for reelection!**

**(Sweden fixes his tie as Finland looks uncomfortably to the side!)**

**America: I'll go first; about that whole using global warming to enslave humanity thing, I think we'll be ok if we genetically engineer a huge hero and have her protect the Earth! I give you the Superhero Globoman!**

"That that plan is never going to work" went through every non nation's head.

**Japan: I agree with America because- (something something)**

**Switzerland: -Man up or I'll beat you with my peace prize!**

"What was that about?" someone wondered out loud

"Japan never gives his own opinions he always agrees with America" Switzerland half yelled

**England: There's no way some hero will help global warming or humanity's enslavement.**

**(England keeps talking. It's apparently about something in France being like a shower of spit. )**

**France: If Britain and America don't agree, how can I be superior by dissing them both!**

**England: Agincourt!**

**America: You Frenchies love to hate America! Why not go back to making us hot green chick statues like you used to!**

**France: Ever since we lost our status as a world superpower, condescending superiority and wine is all we have left!**

**England: Don't be too hard on yourself. What about mimes and body odor.**

"What are they doing? Harry whispered to Ron and Hermione

They both shrugged.

**China: Western nations are so immature. I doubt they ever grow up! Maybe I can try appealing to the only organ of theirs that seems to work. Would you guys like to sample some Chinese tasty treat?**

**(England: I used to be an empire {stuff I can't catch} French military victories!)**

**England and France: We'll just get hungry again!**

"That's a good excuse!"

**Spain: Hey! Why don't you say something, Russia? They'll stop fighting if you go over and step in!**

**Russia: What? Why me? No thanks!**

**(Liet looks like he's gonna vomit)**

**Russia: I want to see Lithuania get in big trouble and come crawling back for help!**

**(Bela holding knife to Latvia)**

**Russia: Then Latvia will be right behind! (Lativa: *crying*)**

"Why is she holding a knife!"

"Huh oh she's always like that"

**Estonia: You're so tough, next you'll try to pick a fight with Haiti!**

**Russia: Do you have a little detachable head?**

**Poland: Stop there! If you get any closer to Lithuania I'll get Lech Walesa and go all Solidarnosc on you!**

**Greece: SNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE**

**America: It's like a UFC in here! Hey, that sounds like KFC! Hungry, anyone?**

**Everyone else: (grunting and arguing. Like this! Eh. Ah. Eh eh! Uh. Ah. Eh. Ah.)**

**China: Please everyone; calm down.**

**France: Eh! Ah! Stop! Get your hands off me! (some random roar)**

"It seems like a kids playground instead of a conference room"

**Germany: EVERYONE SHUT UP!**

**England and France: Germany!**

**Germany: We've called this conference to solve the world's problems, not to fight about the problems of our past! And since I am the only country who seems to know how to run a meeting, we will follow my rules from here on out! Eight minutes each for speeches, no chit-chatting or side deals, and absolutely no going over the time limit! Now if you want to go, make sure you're prepared and raise your hand, but do so in a way that does not mock any salutes of my country's past!**

"At least someone seems to have some sense in him" Hermione said

**[Dancing Congress: Refers to Congress of Vienna, which was held in order to decide on issues Europe faced after Napoleon and France devastated the area. It was ridiculed since they all just danced and neglected discussion.]**

**(Italy's hand goes up)**

**Germany: Germany recognizes his friend Italy!**

**Italy: ….PAAAAAAASTAAAAAAAAAAAA!**

Everyone's reaction was like: WHAAAAAAAAA?

**(Opening sequence)**

**Germany: It is said that long ago in this land, there lived a man who conquered the Mediterranean Sea, and gained all the world's wealth. His name… was the Roman Empire. He had it all: the world's wealth, fame, and vast land. The man who gained everything… one day he just… disappeared.**

"What happened to him? A Ravenclaw asked

"No one knows" Germany replied

**[Then, during WWI]**

**Germany: Later! During WWI!**

**Germany: I'm supposed to be fighting a descendent of Rome right now… but so far no such luck.**

…**..how weird…**

**We crossed that border with no problem, didn't we, Herr Stick? I'm so sorry I didn't share any of my liverwursts with you! The invasion was going so well I forgot about feeding mein sticky friend!**

"Ksesesesese my little bruder has a little sticky friend! Kesesesesese"

"If you don't shut up I'll tell the guys at the pub to give you no beer"

"Wait wait wait I'm sorry don't take away my beer ill do anything!"

"Then sit quietly!"

**[Wurst: A German sausage. It is said that originally this was made by nomads in western China and then was brought to Europe.]**

**Germany: Well you're right; I still shouldn't let my guard down. It's him we're talking about; he must have some sort of plan.**

**(Shocked noise)**

—**Ominous Crate of Tomatoes—**

**(Germany: *flabbergasted sounds*)**

"Huh?"

**[To be continued]**

**Kids: Chibitalia!**

**Narrator: Is everyone listening? Once upon a time, in a house called the Roman Empire…**

**Chibitalia: It's next to my big brother France's house!**

**Narrator: …the newborn Italy lived with various other countries.**

**(HRE: *laugh*) (France: *laugh*)**

**Narrator: But one day, Italy's grandfather took him away, and forced him to leave his home and friends.**

**(Chibitalia: *cry*)**

"That's so sad" A few girls cooed

**Narrator: For a while, Italy spent his time drawing and singing with his unusually handsome grandfather.**

**(Chibitalia: Wah! Hehe!)**

**Narrator: Italy had a natural affinity for artistic pursuits, so his grandfather was delighted!**

**Chibitalia's thoughts: It's fun to draw pictures! Somehow I feel so Renaissance. I want to show my beautiful drawings to my big brothers France, and the Roman Empire, and that other big brother whose name I don't know because I haven't met yet! I can't wait to see everyone!**

"You mean Romano?" Germany asked Italy but before Italy could reply,

"Of course he means me how many brothers does he have you damn potato eater!

**Narrator: Unfortunately, when he met them again…**

**HRE: You must become part of the Roman Empire with me!**

**Romano: Fratello? You're a twerp compared to me!**

**(Chibitalia: Uwawawawawa…)**

**Narrator: …they had all become assholes.**

"How can she say that? Does she not see the beauty that is France?" France said chewing on a handkerchief with tears in his eyes.

"What beauty you frog"

"Anglentre you wound me"

Everyone just looked at them weirdly.

**HRE: Stop! I want you to become part of the Holy Roman Empire! No! Please!**

**Chibitalia: Waaaaah!**

**(Marukaite Chikyuu: Italy)**

**Hey Hey Mama! Could I have some wine? Hey Hey Mama. Hey Hey Mama**

***colourfull background***

"What is this and why is Italy singing?"

"I don't know"

**Draw a circle, that's the earth!**

**Draw a circle, that's the earth!**

***little Italy, Japan and Germany are marching***

***little America, Britain, China, France and Russia are marching***

\"Huh?"

**Draw a circle, that's the earth! I am Hetalia! **

***Earth with countries around it***

**Ah You can see the magnificent world with just a stroke of a paintbrush**

***Italy with Pizza! Germany Saluting. Japan just standing. America with a hamburger. Britain with Flying Mint Bunny. France with rose. Just Russia. China with Panda***

"What is this?"

"Why are the axis and allies being shown like this?"

**Toast with a big boot!**

***Germany, Japan and Italy toasting with boots***

"Why are they toasting with boots?"

**I am Hetalia!**

"WHAT IS THIS!?"

**Germany: *uncertainty***

—**Ominous Crate of Tomatoes—**

"Huh where's the rest of it"

"Maybe the next video?"

"Maybe"


	2. Chapter 2

"Yo Iggy! What's up with the candles?" America asked Britain in his loud obnoxious voice.

"They are obviously enchanted so that they float above us"

"Dude magic doesn't exist"

"Then how do you explain everything around us? And what about how I conjured up this table? We are in a magical castle which is a school and you better believe it"

"Huh so you aren't crazy after all"

"Why would you think I am mad? And use the Queen's English!"

America then suddenly ducked behind Britain.

"America what are you doing now?"

"AHHHHH! Britain it's a ghost! Don't worry I'll protect you from the behind! You guard the front"

"America I don't need protecting from the ghosts"

"Why not? That ghost is going to eat us all. WE ARE DOOMED! DOOMED YOU HEAR ME!"

Britain sighed "America ghosts don't eat people. Infact they cant eat anything"

"You are lying!"

Britain sighed again "is this going to be like when you were younger and you would read ghost stories and couldn't go to sleep?"

America mumbled something non comprehendible.

"America ghosts can't harm us" Britain said "I'll prove it! Sir Nicholas would you mind coming here for a bit?" Nearly headless Nick made his way over the two of them. "You don't mind if I …."

"Not at all"

Britain shoved his hand through the ghost and then turned to America. "See?' He then took America's hand and passed it through Nick again. "Ghosts can't do anything to us other tan make us feel cold"

America slowly slid back to his seat but still kept his eyes nervously fluttering across the room.

"It's a start" Britain thought.

Meanwhile the Hogwarts Students were watching this show with amused expressions.

"Why would he be so scared of ghosts? And why did hw say magic doesn't exist? I mean there are magical communities in America as well." Hermione said with a confused expression.

"There are?" Ron asked

"Yes of course there are you would know that as well if you ever bothered to stop and read a book!" She snapped

"Well at least I am not a bookworm!"

"Guys calm down, I think the next video is starting" Harry said

[**The time was WWI]**

**Germany: The time was WWI.**

**Germany: I found myself… in what's you'd call… a "situation…"**

**Hmm… weird… looks like someone left me these tomatoes-**

**Italy: Ah!**

**Germany: Augh!**

**Italy: Hello to you! I am the box of tomatoes fairy! I come in peace! Let us be friends and play with each other!**

"That sounds like Italy!"

**Germany: I think someone's inside!**

**Italy: You're wrong! There's no one inside! DO NOT OPEN THE BOX!**

**Germany: Nnnnngh…. Verdammt, this is heavy…**

**Italy: Why are you ignoring me?! What point is it to try to see the box of tomatoes fairy's guts?!**

**Germany: *struggle grunts* Something is caught in here…!**

"Why are you even trying to open the box when the person inside doesn't want you to?"

"That someone could have been trapped!" Germany replied

**Italy: Wah! I'm so sorry; you were right! I am not a box of tomatoes fairies at all! It was all lies! Lies! LIES! Please don't shoot me; I'm too young to die, and what if I don't die but am just mortally wounded and forced to lie there in misery in a pool of my own blood?! Please I'll do anything! Well, I mean within reason… I DON'T WANT TO DIEEEEEEE!**

"This is a country!"

**(Opening)**

**Italy: I mean seriously, I'm a virgin! Where do you think they get Virgin Olive Oil? The point is you don't want to shoot the virgin! We're pathetic enough as it is! I apologize for the lying, and the boxing, and really I'm a good **

**Italy! I swear! You're Germany, right?!**

**Germany: Geez… is this the guy I'm supposed to be fighting? I heard mein Feind is the descendant of the great Rome, but…**

"If you are a country then how can you be a descendant of someone?"

"We are all descendents of some country like Britain is one of the descendants of Mother Britannia and Germany and Prussia are descendants of Germania if we are not than we are new territory like America and Iceland"

"Wait one of the descendants?"

"Yes I have three older brothers which are Scotland, Ireland and Wales as well as a younger one who is Sealand"

"That's right I am related to the British jerk of Jerks!"

"SEALAND! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?"

"What do you mean I am a country aren't I?"

"No you are a fort not a country"

"Hah just you wait I am going to be bigger and stronger than all of you!"

"Right and when that happens call me. Now how to send you back….."

"HAHAHAHAHA! I say we let him hang around" America said

"Fine but you are looking after him"

**(Italy: I have relatives in Berlin…..*I can't catch this stuff*…)**

**[I know someone in _: This is what Italians often say when they're about to be killed and are begging to their lives. (e.g. To Americans, they'd say, "I have relatives in Brooklyn.") They just don't know everyone has relatives in Brooklyn.]**

**Germany: Ugh… there's no way this whining little brat could be the same enemy… I wonder who he really is…**

**(Italy: ….*more I can't catch*…. Pasta? Penne?! RIGATTONE?!)**

**Germany: Let me ask you a question. You wouldn't by any chance be related to the great Rome, would you?**

**(Italy: *more I can't catch*)**

**Italy: Wait, you're telling me you know Grandpa Rome? What a fantastico turn of events! Especially for this poor pizza and pasta lover!**

**You had me completely fooled! I thought you were really mean and scary! So we can be friends, ok?**

"He is mean and scary!" The Trembling trio said trembling

**Germany: What kind of joke is this?**

**Germany: Ah!**

**Mein Gott this is a trap! He's pretending to be harmless in an attempt to catch me off guard! Sneaky bastard!**

"I don't think Italy is like that" France said

"Italy is harmless" Finland agreed "Right Sve?"

"Hmm" Sweden said glaring

"SCARY" Everyone thought

**Italy: How fun to have a new friend!—Augh!**

**Germany: I will not be tricked! Go to hell, you pasta loving trottel!**

**(Italy: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah…. *whine cry whine*)**

**Germany: At that moment, I never imagined the extent to which this encounter would change my fate. Although I don't believe in such things.**

"Wow Germany you sound stupid!" Prussia mocked.

Germany decided to ignore him.

**[To be continued]**

**Kids: Chibitalia!**

**France: Hey, you know what Holy Rome? There are other people to chase around here besides Italy!**

**Chibitalia: He chases me because I'm scared of him…**

"That's not a good enough reason to chase someone!"

"He had another reason" Italy said quietly

Germany looked over to Italy worried for a second " Italy was almost always enthusiastic and it not that then he was crying and waving white flags.

**HRE: I would quit if you'd just come over to my place… so…!**

**Chibitalia: But Grandpa told me that I'm not supposed to go…!**

**HRE: Then I'll make you!**

**(Chibitalia: *cry*)**

**France: DID YOU HEAR A WORD I SAID TO YOU!?**

**HRE: ROAAAAAAR! *that's a battle cry***

**France: OOOOOAAAAH! *that's also some sort of battle cry* Oh honhonhonhon!**

"Did he just back down because France pulled out his sword?"

"Hey don't look at me!"

**Spain: Just ignore them. You would like to have some churros, no?**

**Chibitalia: Sì!**

"Spain you damn Tomato bastard!" Romano yelled

"Huh what did I do?" Spain said confused

**[How Italy became a victim of bullying]**

**Kid: How Italy became a victim of bullying!**

**Narrator: After Rome died, Italy became an assembly of small countries. In those days, Italy had everything: fertile land, mild weather, and a rich history full of art and religion. It was a rather attractive country. Naturally, the other countries started to get jealous.**

**[However, Italy was weak.]**

**[Even back then, it was weak.]**

**Narrator: To those sides, no land was a good a prey as Italy. France started the nasty trend by charging into Italy first. Then, other strong and incredibly rude countries invaded from the sea and took pieces of Italy for themselves.**

"We aren't rude!" Said countries huffed.

**[And once again the time was WWI]**

**Germany: So I captured Italy, but the only thing I hear from him is the singing und the laughing und weird accents. It's like he doesn't want to escape from me at all.**

**Why don't you try to escape?!**

**Italy: Why? As long as I'm with you, I get fed and nobody picks on me! I like being here!**

**Germany: Nein that attitude is unacceptable! If you're a soldier, even if you're French, you're supposed to try very hard to escape captivity!**

What is that supposed to mean!" France said annoyed.

**[Sprawling]**

**Germany: You're the most pathetic excuse for a country I've ever seen. Are you sleeping at me right now?!**

**Hey, look at how the door just opened! You could totally run away if you wanted to!**

"What are you doing Germany?"

"Me I was just seeing if he'd try to escape" Germany laughed nervously

**Italy: Uhh…**

**Ciao ladies! You are both so lovely! *I can't hear what he says here***

***lists pastas***

**(Girls: *giggle*)**

***satisfied noises***

**(Marukaite Chikyuu: Italy)**

**German Soldier: Hey, Germany, I have some terrible news! Italy has become Germany's ally! WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO?!**

"You are supposed to make a-pasta!" Italy yelled enthusiastically

**Kids: To be continued!**

**A.N.**

**Hey guys thanks for the reviews and for reading this story. I just have a few questions I want to ask:**

**Do you think I should follow the HRE is Germany therme or not?**

**Do you think I should include ships like RoChu, USUk, LietPol and GerIta?**

**How many countries should I include?**

**Shall I include countries that weren't in the anime like Hong Kong, Taiwan, Scotland etc?**

**Shall I make China ay aru and Aiyah! Since in the dub he doesn't say it?**

**Please reply. Also make sure to review. **

**Oh and I have made some changes to Chapter 1 so please check it out.**

**Bookworm4099 out!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Italy: Hey Germany, come listen; I wrote a song especially for you!**

**Germany: What? Even though I'm your enemy? Ok, let me hear it…**

**Italy: Germany! Germany! Germany is a really really nice place! Even though I'm your prisoner you give me food, and it doesn't suck like English food! **

"MY FOOD DOESN'T SUCK!"

**Sausages with cheeses always taste so good! It'd be heaven for a dog…**

"Unfortunately or maybe fortunately we are not dogs"

**yeah that's Germany! Tel l me, how is it that you Germans are so robust? You're crushing me with your intimidation! My fragility causes me to openly weep out of fear… your women terrify me!**

"It is true. German Females are no fun. The men aren't the great either" France said

"What the hell did you do with my female citizens scratch that what did you do with my citizens!"

"Nothing! Nothing!"

"Yeah like I'll believe that!"

**Is it the norm to drink a barrel of beer and then bust it on somebody's head?**

"Yeah why do Germans do that"

"Ksesesesese you obviously do not understand the awesomeness of German beer!"

**Please don't come to my place in large mobs… German tourists are scary!**

"All Germans are scary!"

**Even the girls that are from Germany are more rugged than I am. Yahoo~!**

**Italy's Boss: Welcome home, Italy.**

**[Opening]**

**(France: Hon! Honhonhonhonhon…)**

**Germany: In my opinion, France really lost this war so they shouldn't be allowed to make us pay them so much money…!**

"The French didn't lose! You see I even have God on my side!"

**[France is asking a fancy price: Burning with a grudge towards Germany, France laid the entire blame on Germany (and the Central Powers) for the war. In addition, the reparations were 139 billion gold marks! When they got behind in their payments, big brother France, who liked profiting from the sidelines, came to the Ruhr area to occupy it.]**

**Clocks: Coo coo! Coo coo! Coo coo!**

**France Clock: Coo coo! Coo coo!**

**Clocks: Coo coo!**

**Germany: Day after day, we're forced to make coo coo clocks!**

**(France Clock: Coo coo!)**

**Germany: Then we sell them, but then we need to give all the money to France!**

**(France Clock: Coo coo!)**

**that's frustration* I feel like I'm going crazy!?Germany: Duough! ***

**Well, at least I'm rid of Italy now… that's the only thing about all these reparations that makes it bearable.**

**(Italy: Waaaaa~aa~aa~)**

**(France Clock: Coo coo!)**

**Germany: He really was a strange country…**

**(Italy: Ooooh~ooooh~ooooh~)**

**Germany: I utterly refuse to be his babysitter anymore!**

**(France Clock: Coo coo!)**

**Germany: Ja! This time that I've been able to spend by myself is supreme bliss!**

"And that is how you jinxed it!"

**Italy: Germany! Help me find a job? My family has become extremely poor!**

**HWAAAAAAAAH!**

**Germany: DON'T COME BOTHERING ME ABOUT A JOB! I CAN'T DO ANYTHING EXCEPT WORK ALL DAY TO PAY BACK FRANCE!**

**Italy: Wait! Please hear me out! We're WORSE off! Back home there's no place to work and no bread to eat! I don't care if the job pays next to nothing; I just need to work! Even if I could get SOME money, even just a little bit! That's better than NOTHING! Please, you can find SOMETHING for me!**

"Wars do tend to bankrupt countries…"

**Germany: Oh, Italy…**

**Italy: Dear big brother,**

**I started a job where I make money at Germany's house, and I get paid nine hundred million marks per day! I know, right!? But don't get excited, cause one egg costs 3.2 billion marks, so an omelet is like a month of work… **

"I remember that letter" Romano grumbled

"Germany how could you be so heartless"

"Hey it's not like I had any money myself!"

**[Time passed, and then it became WW2]**

**German Newscaster: Our German troops are unstoppable! They are battering the froggy stinkhole! And at this rate it is only a matter of time before Paris becomes *he says one more thing but I can't catch it*…**

**Italy: Grrr… I can't believe Mr. Germany's attacking France again! It's like he's got a grudge against big brother!**

"That's right! Germany has a grudge against big brother. Even now!"

"I do not!"

"Your attitude says otherwise!"

"Why you!"

Cue fighting between Germany and France.

"Stop it you two! You are scaring my citizens!"

They reluctantly stopped

**Germany: If our troops can keep this up I'll have France making ME coo coo clocks in no time!**

**German Soldier: Ah, Germany, I have some terrible news! Italy has become Germany's ally! WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO?!**

**Italy: Germany! I pledge my undying support to your cause! We'll be best friends that—AAAAAAAAAAAAH!**

**Italy: Luxembourg kicked my ass and sent me back here…!**

"Damn him! I am going to make him pay! It's his fault fratello keeps going Germany! Geramny!"

**Germany: Get away from me! I don't need your help!**

**Italy: Come on, Mr. Germany, you can be my friend, can't you? We can be an alliance! I've always been ruled by somebody since forever! You'll be my strong big brother! You can order me around and I'll disappoint you!**

"At least he warned him beforehand"

**Germany: Ah…**

**Italy: When I'm near destruction you can swoop in and save me! And when you need cannon fodder I'll be there to march in and obey the chain of command!**

**Germany: Friends… that sounds… nice… Since I've never had friends, I'll most likely treat you badly, but someone has to take it…**

**This could work… friends! Uh, we don't have to kiss, do we?**

"Ofcorse not! Why would you think that?" A student asked

**Italy: Nope! Unless you want to.**

"Wait what?"

"In my home we greet each other with kisses"

"Oh so that's why.."

**[In this way, the two countries formed an alliance. However…]**

**[In the end…]**

**Italy: Germany… thanks for the water! Now I can make pasta again!**

**Germany: Stop wasting water. I'm not sure if anyone would believe me that you died making pasta in the desert…**

"If it is Italy I would believe that"

**[Germany's stomachache just kept getting worse.]**

**Italy: Hetalia!**

**Japan: I am very pleased to meet you.**

**[Marukaite Chikyuu: Italy]**


	4. Chapter 4

**Japan: *old Japanese music with Japan with his back turned* (Konnichiwa). I am Japan. I enjoy sensing the mood and refraining from speaking.**

"That was overly weird."

**Germany: It's true! Ok, so I brought someone who will be our new ally!**

**Japan: Do you speak of Italy? Alright; I am in agreement. Although I am curious…**

**Japan: He surely is not the obviously suspicious character over there, is he?**

**(Italy: *laughing*)**

**(Girls around him: *making sigh noises*)**

"Do you flirt with girls everywhere?"

"I'm Italian!"

**Germany: I don't want to believe it either, but… that's him…**

**Japanese soldier: Improper!**

**Cat: Meow!**

**Japan: I have signed the paperwork, but he appears to be sleeping.**

"What is that?"

"It is called a katatsu. It is a Japanese table with warm blankets. People sit under them in the winter so they can get warm"

**Germany: Ja, that is kind of his thing.**

**Cat: Meow!**

**[September 1940: The Tripartite Pact among Japan, Germany and Italy was signed.]**

**[Of course, they didn't sign it while getting warm under a kotatsu table.]**

"That's how you sign pacts!"

"How else should we sign them?"

"I don't know in a conference from around serious looking people in stiff clothing?"

"That's boring!"

**(Opening)**

**Germany: Now, Japan. Do you think you could make U-boats using those blueprints we had from the other day?**

"What are U boats?"

"You'll see"

**Japan: Well, I think your design is much too big to do in my home. But please do not worry. We succeeded in miniaturizing it using technology.**

"You can do that!"

"Of course I can"

**Germany: No way!**

**[U-boat]**

**Japan: We have twelve color random assortment, and we will release new additional colors to match each season. A popular voice actress will advertise it for us too.**

"Okay I'm confused. Is it a ship for war or is it a toy?"

**Germany: Cool!**

**Mecha-U-boat: *robotic roar***

**Japan: And that is its ultimate final form.**

"Huh? How did the ships merge to form this robot?"

**Germany: This is wunderbar, Japan!**

**German civilian: Ah…!**

**Italy: Hetalia!**

**Italy: Ciao, Japan! Guess what I heard! Germany said you were good at miniaturizing! Do you think you could shrink me too?**

"You can't shrink people using technology"

**Japan: Apologies, but no, we are not currently accepting orders to miniaturize Italians.**

"You can shrink people too!"

"We shall see" Japan said.

**(Italy: Oh shankers! Your thing!) (Something along this line…)**

**Japan: *Sigh*… Japanese people grow-a, not show-a.**

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"You'll understand someday"

**Italy: Whoa! What is this?! Stupendo! Amazing! HWOAAA!**

"What's happening? What is it?"

**Kids: Chibitalia!**

**Narrator: Oh no! I wonder what happened. Mr. Spain isn't his usual cheerful self!**

"Well good. That damn Tomato bastard is too damn happy!"

**Chibitalia: Big brother Spain looks lonely… hey, what happened? What's wrong with you, fratello?**

"I've been hearing the world fratello a lot. What does it mean?"

"It means brother"

**Spain: Hola, mi hermano. Let me give to you some advice. You should go do all of the things you desire as soon as possible.**

"Why?"

**Chibitalia: Eh… why do you say that?**

**Spain: Don't worry. You will find out soon enough.**

**[Hapsburg territory]**

**(Austrian army: Hwaaaaaaaaaah! *victory cry!*)**

"Uh why are you standing on Romano?" someone asked

"Wait what?! You're standing on Romano! Austria how dare you!" Spain yelled clearly outraged. "No one ouches my little Tomato!"

"I am not your little Tomato! How many a times do I have to tell you that!"

**Chibitalia: Oh, yes, I get it now…**

**Kid: The Italian Wars!**

**[The Italian Wars 1522-1544]**

**Narrator: During the Italian Wars, all of Italy was victimized. It was beaten up by rude little countries here and there, and was eventually sold piece by piece to the real bullies: the powerful countries. It wasn't long before young master Italy began his new life as a suffering underling.**

"Isn't he a country? So why would he be a suffering underling"

"When other countries take over your country. You are forced to live them and do as they say"

"Oh"

**(Chibitalia: *crying*)**

**Austria: Alrighty. You belong to me, Austria, so suck it up. Your new job is going to be to serve me and do what I say; do you understand? Now then, I'll supervise all the industry and politics in your land. The only thing you have to do is loyally obey me without asking any questions. Do you have any questions for me?**

"Didn't you just say don't ask questions?"

**Chibitalia: Eh… just-a one… by any chance do you serve pasta he-**

**Austria: No we don't.**

"Of course he would ask that and of course he would say no"

**Italy: Hetalia!**

**Germany: This Asian country has become a great power in such a short amount of time. It's hard to think Japan was closed off to the world only 60 years ago. He's a little naïve, but he's hardworking, honest, and knows many different whale recipes! **

"You eat whales!"

**He senses the mood, and refrains from speaking! He's not half bad.**

"I am glad you think highly of me Germany**"**

**Japan: I'll think about it. Perhaps next time. We shall see. I always say no. It's a quirk.**

**Germany: His name is Japan. He's rather mysterious. And then there's that one. All he does is follow me around all the damn time.**

**(Italy: *laughing* Pasta~!)**

**Germany: And then there's that one… and then there's that one…**

**Kid: To be continued maybe!**

**[To be continued… maybe…]**

**Italy: Ciao, it's Italy! We were right in the middle of WWII! By we, I mean Germany, Japan, and me! We're all part of the Tripartite Pact, and we drifted to a southern island to take a little vacazione! Wow! We were dragged into drama after drama! It was crazy! What's going to happen to us? Find out in the next episode of Hetalia! Crying Out SOS at the Center of the World! Hasta la pasta!**

**[Next episode: Crying Out SOS at the Center of the World. Tune in next time!]**

"Italy! Why are you advertising that like it is some kind of televion show?"

"I don't know! Please don't hit me. I'll do any thing!" Italy wailed waving a white flag

**(Marukaite Chikyuu: Italy)**


	5. Chapter 5

**A.N.**

**I tried to add more reactions so please tell me if they are still less. Your reviews really helped me though I am still confused on whether I should follow the HRE is Germany theme or not. So please review and tell me. Please include anything you feel I am doing wrong so that I'll try and correct it. Please read and enjoy.**

**Italy: Hey commander~! I found another crab; can I eat it?**

"You can't just eat crabs like that! What if they poisonous or something"

"I don't thing crabs are poisonous"

**Germany: Go ahead, but don't get it stuck in your hair this time.**

**Japan: Germany. Look; I have found fresh fruit. I was surprised. You can find much food if you look.**

"That's some wired looking fruit"

"I know right! There was this one time I ate some fruit and it was even more disgusting than Britain's cooking!" Italy said waving his arms around

"There is absolutely nothing wrong with my food!"

"Angletre everyone knows that your food is trash even if it is not being compared to my magnificent and delightful cooking"

"I hate to say this but for once I agree with France" Germany said with his arms folded.

"You're all too used that frogs fancy food. I'll have you know that the British Empire doesn't lack in anything and that includes our culinary arts"

"Whatever helps you sleep"

"Why you!" Britain and France started strangling each other.

"Aiyah! Britain and France are fighting again. Let's hope America doesn't join in aru"

Suddenly a shot startled everyone in the hall. Switzerland stood with his shotgun smoking.

"Stop fighting and sit down! Both of you!"

France and Britain knew better than to argue so they compiled.

**Italy: Wow…! That's some weird stuff you found, Japan! It almost looks like real fruit!**

"What do you mean? That looks nothing like real fruit!"

**Japan: There is plenty more back there if we are needing it.**

"I don't thing anyone would want to eat more than they have to of those weird fruits"

**Italy: *laughing* Hey, Japan! Germany! Let's play a game of Marco Polo, okay? Go! Ahaha!**

**(Italy: Marco! *laughing*)**

**Germany and Japan: Polo.**

**Japan: It's nice to spend time like this once in a while…**

"You're aboslutly right"

"Hahahaha I know we can have holidays for countries! We could totally ask our bosses to cut us some slack. Nice Idea!"

"Ugh! My boss is a slave driver there is no way he would agree to that"

"You already slack off too much America you don't have time to slack off even more!" Britain nagged America

**(Italy: *laughing* Can I open my eyes yet?)**

**Germany and Japan: Not yet.**

**Japan: Whole life… I have dreamed of wasting days away doing nothing on a beautiful island like this…**

"Then why didn't you do it before?"

Japan was about to answer when America cut in.

"He was totally afraid of the rest pf the world before the world wars. He spent 200 years locked up in his room!"

"He did what!" A few students spluttered.

**Germany: …mm… it's almost perfect.**

**(Italy: Hey, who took-a my shorts? You jokers!)**

**Japan: Now, if only someone would come rescue us, it would make things perfect.**

**(Italy: *stuff I can't hear* It was just my foot! Wait, that's not my foot! AAH! How'd that get there?! I feel funny…! I'll be out of the water…)**

"You were stranded on an island during the world war?"

**(Opening)**

**Italy: Hey there Germany! I finished all my preparations to become your best ally ever!**

**(Germany: Hm?)**

"Preparations?"

"You'll see" grumbled Germany

**Germany: After weeks of hearing about it, I should at least take a look.**

**(Italy: *laughter*)**

**Italy: Tada! First I got pasta, pasta sauces, wine, pasta fruits! And ingredients for pasta!**

"That's all pasta! How can it help Germany?"

"Pasta solves everything!"

**Germany: This is not preparation for war!**

"That is basically just what I said!"

**Italy: Don't sweat it! I also made stuff for the war! Aha~! I made one especially for you too!**

**Germany: Ah… for me too?**

**Italy: Mm hmm! I pulled an all-nighter making them by hand!**

"Something homemade for war?"

**Germany: They're handmade…?**

**["I surrender**

**-Germany"]**

**["I surrender**

**-Italy"]**

"See I told you he would mass produce white flags!" Austria said

**Italy: And! You can also use them with the girls you date!**

"How exactly?"

"Well you just- oof!" Britain had punched Italy in the Stomach

"I will not have you corrupting my young innocent citizens!"

"Wahh! Germany protect me! Britain is scary!"

**Italy: Hetalia!**

**Italy: Germany! Since you got so mad at me the other day, I finally figured out something you're going to love~!**

"What is it a war machine?" A few muggleborn boys asked eagrly.

**Germany: Finally… this better turn out to be something useful…**

**(Italy: *laughter*)**

**Italy: I added a pizza!**

"How is that helpful!"

**Germany: It's the same!**

**Italy: Um…**

**Germany: Do you really think you can win a battle armed with carbohydrates!?**

"I don't know you need plenty of energy to fight"

**Italy: Uh…**

**Germany: You must have something that's useful for fighting… other than food.**

**Italy: I do have Machiavelli…**

"Who?"

**Germany: Sorry, but that guy's a total pussy.**

**[Niccolo Machiavelli: His most important work is The Prince. Being concerned about weak Italy, he wrote a tactical treatise. However, when he put this theory into practice, sadly, he turned out to be incompetent. Military theorist Carl Von Clausewitz said, "Well, he wasn't wrong. He wasn't, but…"]**

"Oh, now that makes sense"

**Germany: Ah… well, I guess that should do it.**

**Japan: Excellent…! So this is your flowchart that help people like Americans vaguely understand current state of world affairs.**

"Hey!"

**Germany: That's right.**

**["Current World Affairs Vaguely Explained"**

**England**

**(England ? France) Fighting each other to the death since birth**

**(England ? France) Can't cooperate**

**America**

**(America ? England) Annoying. Already prepared strategies against England**

**China**

**(China ? England) Opium War**

**Russia**

**(Russia ? China) Wants to control**

**(Russia ? England) Holds grudge over having their southward expansion stopped**

**(England ? Russia) Why, you!**

**France]**

"In other words everyone is mad at Britain and wants to kill him"

"I don't want to kill Iggy!" America said slinging his arm around the brit with his face dangerously close to his.

"I- Idiot! N-not here!" Britain said blushing a deep shape of red

**Japan: Hmm… interesting. It does make you feel like world's affairs are vague…**

**Germany: Doesn't it? Hey, Italy!**

**Italy: Finito!**

**Germany and Japan: Ah!**

"Wow! That's amazing! It's a work of art!"

**Italy: PASTAAAAAAAA!**

**Germany: That's a…**

**Japan: …pasta dish sandcastle… it's a work of art…!**

"Italy is widely know for his art, after all"

**Germany: Yes… and it's making me very hungry!**

"I guess that's not very helpful"

**Kids: Chibitalia!**

**Chibitalia: By any chance do you serve pasta here?-**

**Austria: No we don't.**

**Narrator: And so. Italy started working as a tiny adorable servant at Holy Roman Empire's house.**

"Ah! Ita-chan you are so cute!" Hungary said hugging Italy while Germany had trouble keeping a single expression on his face.

**Chibitalia: Ah… all of the paintings at Mr. Austria's house are incredible! I want to be able to draw all the time, like I used to! I wonder if they have drawing stuff…**

**I just found ink and a big brush… I can't draw anything with this… oh…!**

"Ksesesese! Austria you look so totally unawesome!"

Mustache is the ultimate weapon!" Romano said with such seriousness that the students started believing him.

**(Chibitalia: Ahaha! Ahahaa! *laughing*)**

**Austria: Now that's just mean.**

**Japan: Germany. I think we need a team name.**

**Germany: Team name?**

**Japan: ?(Hai.) Italy and I thought about it earlier. What do you think about "Axis?"**

"You decided on Axis Powers when you were stranded on an island?"

"Hai!"

**Germany: "Axis…?"**

**Japan: It mean—we are all connected together by an axis, and when we prevail, the world will turn on that new axis.**

"That's amazing I never thought of it that way"

**Germany: Abstract. I was thinking "Fire Death Team."**

Everyone burst out laughing.

"Seriously Germany Fire Death Team?"

"I don't know west did suggest an awesome name"

"Germans!"

**Japan: No… it better to confuse with obtuse metaphor.**

"Because that's what Japanese people are best at"

**Germany: If you say so… in German you would have to say, "Eine Achse."**

**Japan: Sounds badass.**

**Italy: In Italian that would be "Un Asse….!" *sleeping noises***

"How do you do that?"

**["Japan" "Italy" "Germany"]**

**Italy: Hey look at this, the Earth really is revolving around us! (Woohoo! Yay! Woo! Yay!...)**

**Germany: Then it's decided.**

**America: Dude, I even smell like a hero! Check it!**

"How does a hero even smell?"

"A hero smells like me!"

"America don't you think it is better to think before speaking?" Britain sighed

**England: At least I didn't need a delusional 16 year old girl to fight my battles!**

"Do you mean Joan of Ark?"

Britain nodded.

"Jean wasn't delusional!" France burst out

"France she thought she was sent down by God to return the king to the throne"

"Well she did succeed didn't she? That is until you burned her down!"

"Are you still mad about that? I already told you I could do nothing to save her. I was bound by the will of my people! Why can't you understand that!"

"You could have still tried something!"

"Why don't you just get over your girlfriend and leave me alone. I am tired after trying to make you understand that I could do nothing for centuries"

"Britain-"

"I said I am not going to listen to a word you say!"

"Fine! I won't talk to you either!"

**France: Careful, now.**

**Russia: I would beware of that newfound smell…! (or something like that)**

"Huh?"

**China: White peoples. Sheesh.**

"Aren't you white as well?"

"It is more like western people aru"

**[Hetalia Continued Next Episode…]**

**(Marukaite Chikyuu: Italy)**

**A.N.**

**And that's it!**

**Was it good? Was it bad? **

**Please Review**

**Also did you like that USUK moment? There will certainly be more shipping in future chapters. So continue reading and wait patiently because I'll be attending my cousins' wedding and participating and weddings last for a whole week! After that I'll visit my grandmother who is sick. So I won't be able to write for at least two weeks. But I promise that I'll get to it after all that is over.**


	6. Chapter 6

**A.N. Looks like I accidentally wrote the part of the wedding and my grandmother on chapter 5 instead of 4. So I'm back. I didn't get to visit my grandmother because of political unrest in that side my country so we came back home. Anyway to all the FrUk shippers sorry but I won't be including it even though I ship it. But I will include a few moments when France tries to harass England sexually (not rape, but France being his usual self). So Enjoy! And please review, constructive criticism is appreciated but flames not so much.**

**Axis: *peaceful silence***

**Italy: *soft breathing***

**England: This is incredible.**

**America: Rock out! We found the Axis countries!**

"How did you find them anyway, I mean aren't they stradnded?"

"That's easy. Using The Great British Empire's Superior and Advanced technology you can track almost anyone in world!"

"Somehow I don't believe you"

"What! How can you say that!"

**Russia: Why do they look so serious?**

"We were stranded on an island, what should we have done? Dance?" Germany retorted

"I don't know. I mean remember the pict incident? We did end up dancing on an island while stranded"

"America don't say it like that! It makes us sound like madmen!"

**China: Wait. What's so incredible?**

"Yeah. I mean they are just sitting around"

**America: Dude, you're totally on my foot!**

**China: Ah! A mosquito just bit me!**

"Seriously?"

**(Opening)**

**Austria: You idiot! Why would you ever form an alliance with Italy?!**

"That's easy! He just wanted to get laid! Kesesesesese!"

"BRUDER!" Germany pounced on Prussia.

"What does getting laid mean?" A young student asked.

"Why it means-"

England cut France off:

"Nothing nothing. I means nothing!" He said hurriedly

**Germany: Ah, well I had various reasons to do it. You know the more alliances the better and all that…**

"So not true" Prussia managed from under Germany

Germany just punched his lights out and walked away.

**Austria: Whatever! You know what a complete coward that guy is; he's probably mass producing white flags as we speak!**

**I shall now show my utter disgust and anger with you through the piano.**

"Huh?"

**Germany: Ok, go on.**

**Austria: (DUN! Piano~) **

"That was amazing!"

**I assume you get the idea.**

**Germany: You express anger with Chopin…**

**Germany: Hetalia!**

**Japan: Mm… I never thought that simple biscuit with toasted marshmallow in between would be so delectable…!**

"I know right! I mean they are sooo delicious. Makes me want to have some right now"

A spluttering noise made everyone turn around to see England trying to hold America back.

"It doesn't matter!" England tried to reason with him

"Of course it matters"

"Let's just forget about it okay?"

"No! Smores are supposed to have chocolate! I know he's my friend and all but I cant forgive him for this!"

"What can I do to make you forget?" England gasped out

America suddenly stopped struggling and turned around, his expression showing seriousness.

"What-"

America leaned down and whispered

"This"

"Huh? What-" He was silenced by America's lips on his.

England's eyes widened but he didn't push him AWAY. After America finally let go of England. He stuttered

"Y-you Idiot! N-not in here! I told you not do it!"

"Hey! You liked it and we both know it!"

England blushed a deep shade of red and turned away only to realize the silence in the room. He looked up to see that everyone in the room was watching them with either wide eyes or shocked expressions exept the nations who were used to it by now. If possible, England turned even redder.

"Ah Love" The most wondrous thing in the world" Dumbledore said sighing

McGonagall Almost shouted out no PDA! But she managed to stop herself by reminding herself that they were a lot older than her.

**Italy: The inside is melted and squishy but the outside is still so crunchy! That's the best part, no?**

"Oh God Yes!"

**Germany: Ja…**

**America: Hey, wait! S'mores are supposed to have chocolate! Let's teach 'em a lesson!**

**England: Ah…**

**France, Russia, and China: A lesson?**

**America: That's right; we can have a campfire too!**

"How is that like teaching them a lesson"

"We'll show them the correct way to make smores!" America yelled as he punched the air.

**Kids: Chibitalia!**

**Narrator: Stuffy Mr. Austria is very strict about rules and discipline.**

**Austria: I am very strict about rules und discipline!**

"She just said that!"

**Narrator: Italy gets scolded quite a lot.**

**(Chibitalia: Waaaaaaah!)**

**Narrator: Since he gets stepped on if he resists, he is terribly afraid of mean old Mr. Austria.**

"I not mean and old!"

"yes I quite agree with him. You know you've got such a sexy body. No?"

"You!" Austria then proceeded to beat the holy crap out of France

**However, there are also times where Italy likes Mr. Austria.**

**Austria: Hey…! You do not have to stand there! Come sit next to me and listen to the music.**

**Narrator: Italy loves the music that Mr. Austria plays.**

"That's why I always have him at all my formal parties!" America said in his loud and obnoxious voice.

**America: Hetalia!**

**England: (in a really low freaky voice) Bring on the fire. Bring on the hell. Set everything ablaze so that no trace remains. Bring on the fire…**

"WHAA! That's scary!"

"Why are you singing that!"

"That isn't a campfire song!"

**America: I feel like we're summoning the devil!**

"Nope. I have an incantation for that"

"You what!"

**England: Hetalia!**

**Germany: Due to my merger with Austria, he started living at my house. Now I have no desire to go home, and I'm not even married.**

"Being married doesn't mean that you don't want to go home!"

"No but that's the basic idea right?"

**(Austria: Huff… huff… huff…)**

**["Huff! Huff!"]**

**Austria: Hey, why do you throw your underwear on the floor when you've only worn it the one time?! If Franz Joseph I saw this, he'd die in a fit of fury of your unadulterated wastefulness!**

**[Franz Joseph I:**

**A super-dooper stingy Austrian emperor. It's said that he'd patch his clothes and continue to wear even the sorriest clothes, so he looked almost like a homeless person. This is a good example of how the job of Emperor is one of the harder jobs on Earth.]**

"I guess they have a point"

**Germany: Ja… but they kinda have a big hole in them...-**

**Austria: This tiny hole?! FJ1 would not care about such things; he would've patched it up first!**

**[Franz Joseph I:**

**(Same description as last time)]**

**Germany: …und so… I was forced to continue wearing dirty underwear he patched with his bare hands…**

"Kseseses-" Germany slapped a hand on Prussia's mouth

"Not a word out of you!"

**Germany: Hetalia!**

**Axis: *peaceful silence***

**Italy: *soft breathing***

**Japan: It occurs to me. I wonder how Mr. Austria is doing right now.**

**Italy: Ask him! He's been over there this whole time!**

**Germany and Japan: Ah?!**

**Austria: (Piano in the sea~)**

"What?"

"How did a piano get there?"

**Germany: How did I not see him?!**

**["Continued Next Episode"]**

**(Marukaite Chikyuu: Italy)**


	7. Chapter 7

**A.N.**

**Be grateful, I write this at seven in the morning. The morning of my birthday. Believe it guys today I have turned fifteen. Too bad we don't really celebrate birthdays. Anyway, my aunts are coming today (on business) so I wont have time to write for the next two or three days. So please wait patiently. Also check out my other stories. Make sure to leave a review.**

**Enjoy.**

**America: My fellow Allies, we must not allow the Axis to terrorize us! Now is the time when we, the Allies, save the rest of the world! **

**Let's fight together for the American way! **

"I'd rather not!" Almost all the countries said in unison

**We'll show this Axis of evil how serious we are! I say we hit Italy first, because they can't drive, and are usually drunk!**

"Hey! You stupid American Italians can drive just fine! And they aren't the ones who are always drunk! Its German's who drink too much beer!" Romano exploded

"There's no such thing as too much beer. See how awesome I am? I am too awesome for any amount of beer to be too much for me!"

**["Kraut" "Wop" "Japan"**

"**England" "Russia"**

"**France" "China"]**

**(Opening)**

**America: (talking with food in his mouth, but this is what it sounds like) Ok, we're so afraid of the Axis (nom) and so agreeing everyone (nom) I think it's the one who's secretly in love with Britain and (nom) and though he's SECRETLY IN LOOOVE WITH BRITAIN haha (nom) I cannot see around it; I did nothing!**

"Huh?"

"Did you understand him?"

"No"

"I can't tell what he is saying"

"I think his eating habits are worse than Ron's I mean look at that pile of hamburgers!"

"Don't I always tell you to not speak when you're mouth is full? If it can't wait then don't try and eat at all! It is rude and impolite and considered bad table manners. Blah blah blah" Brtian nagged America for what seemed like forever.

**["Munch, munch"]**

**England: I can't understand a single word you're saying! Would you please just stop eating!**

"And no one will understand what you are saying!"

"Alright Alright. Sheesh, would you stop nagging me?'

"It's like you've forgotten everything I taught you!"

"Oh God you're not gonna stop are you?"

During all this everyone else e=was watching the pair with amusment.

**America: My vocabulary can be intimidating.**

"You're vocabulary is no where near intimidating, it is stupid!"

"What did you say?"

"Yeah you heard right, its stupid!"

"Why you!"

"Now now you shouldn't fight comrades, da?"

"Aiyah! Western countries I give up on them aru"

**(England: Ah…)**

**America: I'll stop eating this absurd pile of hamburgers so you can focus better.**

"As if that will help"

**America: (sluuuuurp) Axis (sluuuuurp) bad guys (sluuuuurp) Allies (sluuuuurp) good guys…**

"I don't think you can categorize it that way.

**["Slurp"]**

**America: Ah… and the hero is me!**

"Why do you always have to say that?"

**England: Oh, shut it!**

**Italy: Hey Germany, check it cool! This is my big brother Romano! Isn't he sheezy?**

"Big brother?"

"Well we are actually twins, but he's the older one."

**Germany: Ugh… hi I'm Germany. A pleasure.**

**Italy: I'm the north of the country and he's the southern part! Since we've always been governed separately, he had to spend more time with our big brother Spain, so he's become kind of a dick! **

"What does that have to do with anything?" Spain said offended "Besides Romano enjoyed his time with me, didn't you Roamno. You were such a cute little country back then."

"Shut up!"

**Right? Now say hi to my friend!**

**Romano: Suck my balls you dumb potato eater.**

"That's Romano for you"

**Germany: Ah…!**

**Italy: Oh boy, it's hug time…**

**Romano: Would you stop it with your hug therapy already!?**

"hug therapy huh?" said America thoughtfully

"Oh no you don't! You nearly crushed the life out of me the last time"

"I'll have to agree with Anglentre on this one. You don't realize your own strength"

**Germany: I'll never understand Catholics…**

**Germany: Hetalia!**

**Romano: Ok, Mr. Super Studly. What'd you do to twist-a my brother's head around so bad?**

"He didn't twist my head"

**Germany: Uh… what do you want…?**

**Romano: Che palle! Don't play dumb with me; that's-a my brother's job, and I know you've got some plan for him that's sinister, and sure, your highways don't have speed limits, but that doesn't give you the right to creed the size of (I have no clue what else he says), crumb breath!**

"huh?"

**Germany: Stop right there. You can't blame me for it!**

**Romano: This weatherman is predicting a 99% chance of shit storm and it's coming right at ya!**

"Okay I don't get what you are saying at all!"

**France: I have finally succeeded in entering Germany secretly! Now I can take him by surprise!**

"hahaha you frog, You were in a gutter! I didn't know you could afford to get your Hair and clothes 'in zat dirty place'" Britain teased France.

"Well at least I have a since of fashion and my hair doesn't make me look like a punk"

"Are you trying to say there is something wrong with my hair?"

"No, it is exactly what I am saying!"

With that Britain proceeded to try and strangle France.

**Romano: AHHH! It's France! Protect me!**

**France: Oh no! It's Germanyyyy!**

"That's so funny!" A few students said laughing.

**France: Hetalia!**

**Romano: Hey there, Hasselhoff! I brought a little surprise for you!**

**["How to get along with Italians: Brothers"]**

**Germany: Great… what is it? Another Jew?**

"You racist!"

**Romano: I have created a secret weapon for such singular purpose and stealthiness that you will be helpless to its powers!**

"what is it?"

"Don't get your hopes up"

**Moustache!**

**Ahhhahaha! Hoohoo! You look-a so very stupid, with your big bushy mustache like some hipster at a high school party! Ahahahahaha!**

"what?"

**Germany: Uh… you do know it looks like you have the mustache from where I stand…**

"That stupid Potato eater, trrying to make me look bad. Wahh!" Roamno said crying

**Romano: Ahh! Turn your head! No! Don't look! I'm so ugly!**

**Germany: Hetalia!**

**Romano: Waaah! No fair! My secret moustache totally backfired on me! I quit! Waaaaah!**

**Italy: Don't cry, Romano…! Germany doesn't care about your mustache! He's really a nice guy; trust me! He's really helpful when it's to his advantage, and he certainly knows how to keep things organized! Plus he's strong and pretty and whiter than anybody! And that has got to count for something, at least in this day and age, at least when keeping liquor stores out of your neighborhood! Also, Germans sound real funny! And laughing is good for the heart!**

"it's true"

**Romano: Ah… Veneziano…?**

**[Italy Veneziano:**

**Italy's full name]**

"It is?"

**Romano: Just once, would you say-a nice things about ME like that…?**

**Italy: Uh…**

"I hate you!" Romano said still weeping "It's all your fault!"

"Huh? What did I do?"

**Romano: I HATE YOU SO MUCH!**

**Italy: Where are you going, Romano?**

"he is obviously leaving"

**Kids: Chibitalia!**

**HRE: I'm home… I put them under my control- AH!**

**HRE's thoughts: Italy is in my house!**

"looks like someone has a crush"

**Chibitalia: Ah… ah…?**

**AAAAAHHH! I'm so sorry! I'll do anything, just please don't hit me!**

"So you were like that even back then?" Germany said

**HRE: Nn…!**

**Chibitalia: Ah… I wonder what's bothering him…!**

"Nothing was bothering him, he was actually jumping for joy" Hungary winked

"How would you know that?"

"Because I was I maid at Austria's house along with Italy at that time"

"oh"

**HRE: Haah…! (happy rolling around and laughing and cheering)**

"I told you"

"We never disagreed"

**Austria: Control yourself.**

**Phone: *riiiing***

"huh?"

**["Continued Next Episode"]**

**(Marukaite Chikyuu: Italy)**


	8. Chapter 8

**A.N:**

**Thank you for the wonderful revoews. I hope you enjoy this chapter. Don't forget to share your opinion through review. Also check out my other stories.**

**In answer to one of the reviews: I have seen both dub and sub and personally I like the sub way more than the dub (the voices are way sexier!). But the script used in this story is from the dub whuch is why I write Britain instead of England even though I like England better than britain.**

**Phone: *ring***

**Germany: …ngh…**

**(Opening)**

**Italy: Germany! Germany! A stranger just told me that he'd treat me to a tasty dinner, so I went with him to get the pasta, but it turned out he only had a hamburger the whole time!**

"You trusted a stranger to treat you to pasta?"

**America: Yo, Britain! I totally caught Italy!**

**(Italy: *weird noises*)**

**England: Nicely done! Let's hit him violently and get what we can out of him!**

"Somehow I feel that won't be necessary"

**Italy: No need! I'll tell you everything I know!**

"ITALY! Didn't I tell you to not tell the enemy anything!"

"WAHH! I so sorry! Please forgive me! Wah!"

**America: This dude is lame! Maybe we should make him work!**

**Italy: My bad ooooopsiiiiiie~**

"Not a good idea"

**America: Ok, so what now?!**

**England: I wrote a letter to Germany; this is what he said. "Please prepare him good food, a cute girl, and a foot slash soccer ball. Also, he will die if he accidentally learns French, so be careful.**

"How can you die by leaning French?"

"Don't question us little boy"

**Italy: Uwah… they said they were shipping me back because I was too much work for them!**

**Germany: Welcome back, Italy…**

**Phone: *ring***

**Italy: Germany! Germany! There was a pretty girl, so I hit on her! But it turns out the pretty girl was France in disguise!**

"You! You tried that again!" Spain glowered at France

"Wait again?"

"Yes, again. When we first met we thought he was a girl and he didn't even try and correct us!"

**France: Ohh~ guess who just captured us a little Italy?**

**America and England: What!?**

"And after they had just gotten rid of him…"

**[Sign on Doghouse: "Italy"]**

**America: He's such a pain; let's put him in jail or something!**

"Or something…?"

"Something other than putting him in jail! Hahahaah!"

**Italy: Woof woof!**

**England: Alright, I'll feed him…**

"Don't! That's worse than torture!"

"Britain I can't believe that you would try and feed that crap to Italy"

"Don't you dare do that to my fratello!"

"ALL OF YOU SHUT UP! MY FOOD TASTES PERFECTLY FINE! THANK YOU VERY MUCH!"

**Italy: Woof woof!**

**AAAAAAUGH! THIS FOOD TASTES TERRIBLE! I'VE NEVER EATEN ANYTHING SO INCREDIBLY BLAND AND DISGUSTING!**

"It is NOT bland and disgusting!"

**Britain: It's terrible…? You think my food is bland…?**

"I don't know what wrong with you all. You have all probably had too much of that frog face's food. Yeah that's probably it" Britain said his spirits getting down by each comment on his food.

**Italy: WAHAHAHHHH! THE WORST! EVEN GERMANY'S MUSHY POTATOES TASTE BETTER THAN THIS SOGGY MESS OF GOO!**

"I don't get it. British food is awesome. I mean we eat it three tines a day and we think that it tastes delicious"

"You're probably used to it by now"

**America: You're not helping…**

**Italy: *muffled noises. I think they gagged him***

**Germany: Welcome back… again…**

**Phone: *ring***

**Italy: Germany! Germany! I'm in North Africa right now, and I can't tie my shoelaces! And what's even worse, Britain is here!  
**

"What were you doing in north Africa?"

"Youll see"

**Germany: …nh…**

**England: Come see! I captured Germany by using Italy as a decoy!**

"Oh that's why"

**Germany: Damn. I should've known better.**

**America: Way to rock, Britain!**

**France: Oui! Now you will tell us everything you know! Or else.**

**Germany: Before I tell you, I have something I want to say! It goes a little something like this! Lutschen mein balls!**

"And that is the proper way to react when an enemy captures you"

"Really, because my mum told me if something like that were to happen to me I should do what they say because like that ill be able to get away unharmed"

"That's different, the life of a soldier is different from ordinary men"

**Italy: Uwaaah! Why are you pointing a gun at me I've already told you I'll tell you everything I know which is pretty much everything I know please don't kill me, please!**

"Italains sure are weak you know" A student whispered to his friend.

**Germany: Do your worst! Compared to my everyday life, your kind of torture would be like bites from a mosquito!**

"Oh, really? Then we'll just have to resort to the old methods of torture, da?" Russia said with a creepy smile on his face. The ones sitting next to him scooted away from him.

**Italy: Yeah, he's kind of a sadist; actually, he's a potent super kind of sadist, with lots of hardcore books and DVDs! You can't guess what I've seen living with him! There was one video I saw that had dogs in it! And he really likes tying people up too, and I'm sure you know what that means! Up until recently, his government endorsed bestiality with all of its soldiers!**

"Way to go Italy" America cheered

"What?"

**Germany: *pant pant pant…***

**I hate you and your ass face.**

"You don't mean that do you Germany?" Italy said worried

"of course not I was just angry at that time"

**Kids: Chibitalia!**

**Narrator: Although Italy is small, he's kind of a pig, so the meals he's getting just aren't enough.**

**[Food Scraps]**

**Chibitalia: Pasta, are you hiding here?**

"Of course it's not!"

**HRE: Ah…**

**Chibitania: Nnnnnnnnn..! Schifo… no way I'm eating this crap!**

"I wouldn't either"

**[Gourmet]**

**HRE: …hm…**

**Chibitalia: I'm so hungry! Hold on…! Is that food? Is it there for me? Ahaha! Thank you whoever you are!**

…**this sucks!**

**HRE: Ah…!**

**[Gourmet]**

"I guess Italian people eat fine cuisine and are too used to it"

**Austria: What do I do with you?! You steal food whenever I turn my back!**

"If that were America instead of Italy he would be stealing food right in front of you"

**Chibitalia: Sorry…**

**Austria: You think about what you did! You got it?!**

**Chibitalia: …sì…**

**HRE: Huh…**

**Chibitalia: I am starving in here!**

**AAAAAAH!**

"Does that mean that that room causes people to starve?"

"No you idiot!"

"I don't know technology have advanced quite a lot"

"That was the 15th centaury you daft idiot!"

Britain smiled at the conversation of the two students.

**Italy: Hetalia!**

**Phone: *ring***

**[Picture next to Japan: Sincerity]**

**Japan: Hai. Japan here.**

**Italy: Japan! Japan! Help me! Help me! Help me! Help-a me! Help me! HELP MEEEEE!**

**Japan: We shall see.**

"Which means that Japan will not help Italy at all"

**[Continued next episode]**

**(Marukaite Chikyuu: Italy)**


	9. Chapter 9

**America: Ok! So, like I've designed a really sweet attack plan, which I'm calling Attack Plan Alpha, like alpha dog. Woof! I think it makes use of our strengths in the best way possible. **

"Yeah right!" Britain said sarcastically

"I know!" The country who cant read a situation to save his life said enthusiastically.

"I was being sarcastic!"

"You were? Then- HEY! Are you saying my plans aren't good"

"That is exactly what I am saying"

"Now now this isn't the time to fight" France chided.

"You!" America and Britain said in unison and proceeded to beat the holy crap out of him.

**Britain goes in suicidal! It's your Charge of the Light Brigade routine**

"Wait What?"

**England: Huh?**

**America: France gives up without a struggle!**

"What are you saying?"

**France: Huh?**

**America: And for Russia, just keep sending us your cannon fodder! You'll draw the guns away! From me!**

"This plan makes no sense"

**Russia: Hold on. Question. What are you going to be doing, America?**

"yeah what?"

**[England – Back me up**

**France – Back me up**

**Russia – Back me up]**

**America: Good question! I'll do what I always do best! And that means: I'm the hero!**

"Alright! Not to worry the hero always saves the world!"

The entire non-nation population's reactions were like "Whaat?"

**(Opening)**

**England: No thanks. I'll not be part of another of your halfwit schemes.**

"My schemes are not half wit!"

**America: Why do you hate me? Are you still pissed off about that whole Revolutionary War thing?**

"Not anymore" Britain said smiling at America.

**England: Since you're illiterate and not our leader, mostly my mind wonders why you're speaking. Like recalling how we burnt your capital to the ground in 1814.**

**America: Ah…!**

"you know that was cruel!"

"It happened during the world war! Things are way different now and you know it!"

**England: Sometimes I picture you as the diabetic fat person you'll likely be in a few more years on your strictly hamburger diet!**

"Well that, I agree with past me, you really should stop eating that greasy food. It's not healthy"

"yeah yeah whatever"

"hey listen when I'm talking!"

**America: Ah…!**

**Since we're all sharing our feelings… those pastries you served me when I visited your house the other day?**

**[Scones]**

**America: They tasted like petrified couch stuffing!**

"I don't get it British food isn't that bad, why do all of you say that it tastes horribly?"

"You're all probably just used to eating British food" France said

"Big Brother France is right, you probably just don't realize that what you are eating is capable of poisoning you"

"That food is torture!" Romano said.

**England: Those scones were a recipe passed down by my mumsie!**

**Russia: Hehe!**

**America: Those were supposed to be scones? (or something like that. He's choking so he's not speaking clearly)**

"Of course they were scones" Britain huffed

**[Those things (Scones)]**

**[This is how the meeting of the Allies begins.]**

"It is?"

"It is"

"wow!"

**America: Hetalia!**

**France: When you two are done releasing sexual tension! We have got a meeting we need to finish!**

**(England and America: Fighting I can't understand)**

**America: Huh?**

**England: That's weird! France actually made a rational point!**

"I make rational points all the time!"

**America: Uh… sorry, that was childish and things got out of hand.**

"Wait, did America just act mature?" Most countries thought

**England: That's no fair! It's my job to be mature!**

"Well that's just immature"

**France: Seriously, you two. We have more important things to worry about before settling on our world plans! Like what to do about those tacky military clothes!**

"milatry clothes aren't more important than the plans of war!"

**[Tacky] [Tacky]**

**America and England: This is war! And you're wearing a cape!**

"They have a very good point?"

**France: It's a cloak! Non?**

"Why do you wear that?"

"It was fashion at that time"

**[Super showy: It is said that he was so showy that he was easily spotted by enemies and kept getting knocked around.]**

**[Bright blue] [Bright red]**

**(France: Oh honhonhonhon…honhon…honhonhon…)**

**France: Hetalia!**

**England: Pipe down! Your country once surrendered to a boy scout troop on holiday!**

"You did?"

"Boys, they really don't read books at all" a girl next to the boy huffed.

**[Weak]**

**France: That was years ago!**

**China: ? (Shenti hao ma?) Oh great, Britain, France, and America are fighting again over nothing! Why can't you just dominate your people with a totalitarian government, really…**

"Because I believe in FREEDOM!"

**[Subject 2: If we win, what will we do with their lands?]**

**China: Here, let me show you how things are decided using ancient Chinese fashion.**

**Seems simple enough! China take all. You can go home now.**

"huh?"

**England: I don't think so! What gives you the right to take all the land for yourself!?**

**China: Because I'm the oldest!**

"You're the oldest?"

"How does it work? I mean your age and everything?"

"We don't really know that much about ourselves-aru. I don't know my exact age but I'm around four thousand years old, give or take a few centuries"

"I'm forty-six!" Came the enthusiastic reply from Sealand.

"You're forty-six? But you look like you're eleven"

"Well of course I look like eleven. Eleven is my physical age after all!"

"That doesn't make any sense!"

"Let me explain: Many old courtiers do not know their exact birthday but judging from the things they saw when they were just born we are able to guess their estimated age. But as for the younger countries due to the fact that there were other countries around them they can tell them when they were born. Although the birthday's we celebrate are actually are the day's we gained independence from the countries who looked after us when we were still colonies" Germany tried to explain.

"That is way too confusing"

"I guess humans would not be able to understand the facts and policies of countries"

**France: This is worse than trying to manage a bunch of Italians…!**

"What did you say!" Romano said angrily before ducking behind Spain and saying "Spain! Protect me from that French bastard!"

**China: Hetalia!**

**France: Just wait! I think we should all sit down and rework the plan.**

**[Let's calm down a little.]**

**England: I hate to say it, but he's right…**

"Finally! You are started to work"

**China: And he smells.**

"I smell?"

"Denmark who was sitting next to him, snuffed him.

"Yup you smell!" He said loudly

"Denmark, you're too loud" Norway said quietly

"But you don't mind, because you're my best friend!" He said again his voice so loud that a few people had to cover their sensitive ears.

"No, and stop being so loud" But Denmark didn't hear him.

**America: You guys don't like my plan…?**

**England: It's more YOU, personally.**

**[Kraut Wop Japan**

**England Russia**

**France China]**

**England: If we divide them based on geography, we get this.**

**America: Somebody forgot to include Mr. America!**

"But you're not near any country you are targeting based on geography"

**England: Ugh… fine, you can have Japan. That way you'll at least be staying out of Europe.**

**America: Old Japan! Let's find out where that is!**

**[America's world map!]**

**America: Um…**

**[America] [America] [America]**

"What kind of a world map is that?"

"The American one"

**America: It's not on the map!**

**England, France, Russia, and China: Typical American…**

**[That's Americans for you.]**

"What does that mean?"

"That means that you are defiantly an American"

Well of course I am I mean I'm America!"

**Narrator: Chibitalia.**

**HRE: Hey… Italy… um… will you… teach me how to draw, please?**

**Chibitalia: Of course I will! But I didn't know that you like to draw!**

"Aww, Ita you look so cute like Holy Rome" Hungary said

Italy blushed while Germany was confused.

**HRE: Poop! My rabbit look-a like junk!**

**Chibitalia: No, it's good! Which part don't you like? Ah…! The leg!**

**Like this!**

**HRE: Ah..!**

**I'm going home now!**

Germany didn't understand why did his heart beat loudly when Italy grabbed HRE's hand?

**Chibitalia: Uh…**

**(Marukaite Chikyuu: Italy)**

**France: Hey Russia! You smiled a lot during that meeting even though it was just yelling. How do you stay so calm?**

"Oh great you're asking for advice from the commie bastard"

"America:" Russia said with a creepy smile on his face "you really shouldn't say things like that"

"I'm not afraid of you!" America said standing up

"Oh he doesn't mean anything! Britain and France said together pulling him down.

"What are you doing" America said

"Do you want to get hit with his pickaxe or his pipe!"

"I'm not afraid of him"

"You may not be afraid but you shouldn't pick fights in which you have a low chance of winning"

"I have every chance to win!"

"No you don't now sit quietly!"

**Russia: That? It's easy! I like to listen to all the loud noises you make together! I grew up very different! My home is very large and very cold and people hate each other quietly. So noisy foolishness is fun to me! My only friend growing up was a yak!**

"that's so sad"

**France: That's right… your emotions were buried by soul crushing weather and a totalitarian state.**

"That's even sadder"

**Russia: Fuu… but soon I might probably get to say goodbye to everyone…**

"huh? Why?"

**France: Ah…?!**

**Russia: It make me pleasure smile to think how they will all be destroyed by my overwhelming power.**

"What?"

"That's so scary!"

**France: Ahhh….!**

**[To be continued]**


End file.
